Thorns and Humility

Merry Christmas!  I had begun this post about 2 weeks ago, and finally on a day like today, have a moment to sit, relax, ponder life, and write.  Maybe some "interesting" thoughts to have on Christmas, but in the end, the more I think about it, the more appropriate it is given why He came to us...

Thorns in this context are those things in your life that hurt.  Could be physical, emotional, or whatever, but it's pointy, painful, and a reminder of life's imperfections.  In my case, one of mine poked me a couple of weeks ago.  There I was, minding my own business, and a co-worker told me about an interaction they had had with another employee - an interaction that I had been longing to have.  "Why wasn't that opportunity mine?"  "Why is it so easy for this person to have such an interaction and not me?"  "Why would that employee rather talk and relate to them than me?"  "Why are they better at their job than I am?"  (can you see the downward spiral my thoughts were having?) Then the inevitable question of "Am I not good enough?" and finally "God, will I always feel this way?"

I remembered Paul, or St. Paul as some of you may know him, talk about a thorn he asked God to take away not once, not twice, but three times.  Paul was undoubtedly the most disciplined believer in the bible.  He came from a background of intense religion, with a deep knowledge in the jewish sect of his time.  It was considered by many "the" religion of the day and those who studied it and excelled in it were respected beyond measure. But when Paul met the resurrected Christ, he considered his previous worth basically worse than garbage - his accomplishments up until that time to be, in his words, "dung" or a not so nice word for "poop".  He doesn't get specific as to his thorn, what it is, so we are left to guess, or maybe free to know that we can relate to him.  Either way, it brings me comfort to know I am not alone.  In his case, he explains the reason that his thorn wasn't taken away.  Simply to keep him from exalting himself he "was given a thorn in the flesh"... Jesus answered his plea with the response "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." 

I'm not sure my particular thorn was "given" to me, but it was at least allowed - the fact that it could have been given to me by Him is a whole other thing to contemplate in itself!  God could have taken this away at any time, this feeling of inadequacy, whether real or made up in my mind, but He is choosing not to.  At this point I have a choice to fight it, like I sort of do already, or accept it and trust that His reasons are higher than mine.  But a new understanding also surfaced - His reason is that He is choosing to have this moment allowed in my life to give Him a chance to show His glory and strength in the situation.  Probably for no one else but me at this point - probably to strengthen my faith, then of course to bless others with the healing. 

I was jealous of my co-worker's interaction, instead of celebrating their accomplishment and moment that actually brought them joy.  I can usually celebrate with others whenever it has nothing to do with me, but when it's close to home - close to the things I desire, that ability seems to escape me. 

I love that He shows me these things, convicting as they are, but they are not shaming nor hopeless. 

God also allowed a "lowering" to One other, and that's where Christmas ties in.  He did it to Himself - He humbled Himself in the form of a baby.  I don't even think we can actually comprehend how limiting that is - to be God and yet limit the use of His powers on earth to the point of allowing Himself to be crucified, for the sake of others.  And here I am, not wanting a co-worker to have their moment, just so I can exalt myself in my moment (even if only to myself) and feel good.  I know I'm not God, but I have His spirit living inside of me.  If I only allow His spirit to work, not only would I feel the healing but more importantly it would certainly bless another.  And I really do want others to feel blessed -  I just think I want to bless others in a way that, if I'm honest, is not at the expense of myself.  If there's anything more anti-christian, it's that. 

Dear Lord - thank you for taking the time to show me who You are in these circumstances.  Thank you that healing comes through You in the world, and for showing me that perfection is not expected during this life through my own strength.  That only You are perfect, and the thorns lead us to a humble state remembering who You are and what You did for us.  It's all for You God, but only because you first did it for us.  Thank you for Christmas.